Thursday, 13 September 2007

The cat in the bag

'..Let the cat out of the bag before it turns into a lion.."

i heard a woman say this a couple of days ago on the Tyra Banks show and i ended up turning and twisting and pondering these words almost my whole day through.I remember growing up as a little girl under the disciplinary hands of my parents (thank God!) and the one thing my father would always remind us of was that there was a whole lot more trouble in store for us if we lied than if we told the truth.

There was no peace for lieing and the freedom you think it brings is virtual and only lasts for fleeting moment. I remember him saying once that he would be ready to defend any of his kids for whatever crime we commit if we'd tell him truth of what happened.But you know kids would always be kids and even though i heard all those sermons, sometimes it just seemed like that moment of freedom bought by lies was worth more than being scolded after telling the truth.Thinking about it,i came up with different reasons why people lie... cover up the truth (obviously the basic reason) protect themselves from being hurt 9or so they think) protect others from being hurt cover shame and avoid disgrace (what about in the long run) avoid being looked down upon or being rejected

am sure you can come up with so many other reasons in addition to those.
The truth of the matter is that no matter how wonderful and well thought of or properly concealed that lie is, the truth would always find a way out, it might be from that tiny hole in the wall, but it'll eventually rise to the surface.i heard something about a man who didn't know until he was about 60yrs or so that the woman he thought was his sister was actually his mother and the woman he always called mother was actually his grandmother (what!!).

By the time he found out, both mother and grandmother were dead even though the originators were long gone, the truth never died.
Back to the cat and lion thing, lies can only work effectively as they are duplicated and multiply but then, the harder you try to create more lies to cover the one that "begat" that one, the more complicated it becomes and the more entangled you remain in the be continued

Wednesday, 12 September 2007

The battle

I was thinking today (thats about one of my favourite past times) and these words just came up....i put them down. I just thought i'd put it down here too.

its a battle..... or is it?
its a war, a strong contentention
where the opinion of the contended is hardly an issue
it is tossed from one end to the other
each one wanting to be the master,ruler,king and lord

am contemplating,
"is that such a bad thing to do?"
"who would know anyway?"
"no one is harmed, so whats the big deal?"

i know the answer to those questions yet i try to deny it within,
one contender is glad, things are working the way he wants them
he is in control, he muses

am roused by the awakening of the stronger of the two contender
rising within
questioning my actions, pondering
"...he is faithful and just to forgive..."
my knees give way and tears flow freely

in that moment the feeling of peace drives all uncertainty
am back where i belong, sweet peace comforting my soul

confidence springs up again and with it the guard are let down once more
the devouring contender creeps and guilt sets in

these knees subjected once again to the usual posture, tears flow again
and peace is renewed

its a cycle am tired of, the up and down times
i cant stand no more
i want to break free forever!!


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